Gregory, our HOA’s clipboard king, had no idea what storm he stirred when he fined me for grass a half-inch too long. Half an inch. I’ve survived PTA politics, teenagers, and a husband with a blowtorch marshmallow experiment—this man thought a ruler and a popped polo collar could scare me? I’ve lived here 25 years. Raised kids, buried my husband, planted every petunia. We used to gossip over fences. Then Gregory seized HOA power and strutted around like a dictator.
He came up my drive: “Mrs. Callahan, your lawn exceeds the limit—three and a half inches.” He said it like Sherlock Holmes. I smiled, promised to mow, then went straight for the rulebook. Buried inside: lawn décor allowed if “tasteful” and within size limits. Tasteful, of course, is subjective. The next day, my yard transformed. A margarita-sipping gnome, a fishing gnome, a glowing giant, and a flamboyance of flamingos appeared, all within the rules. Gregory drove by, tomato red. I waved.
When he returned with bogus mailbox complaints, I escalated: motion-activated sprinklers, more gnomes, more lights. One evening, the sprinklers drenched him mid-inspection—I nearly choked laughing. Then the neighbors joined in. Mrs. Jenkins bought gnomes, Mr. Torres cheered, flamingos multiplied across the street. Soon our cul-de-sac looked like joy itself had taken root.
Gregory’s clipboard lost its sting; fines became jokes. Now he drives past hammocks, flamingos, and fairy lights, powerless. I sip sweet tea on my porch, rulebook at my side. “Tasteful,” Gregory? That’s up to me.