Two blondes are having lunch. One whispers, “I’m getting a boob job.” The other replies, “That’s nothing, I’m getting my arsehole bleached!”First blonde gasps, “Oh wow! I didn’t know your boyfriend was getting highlights too!” A blonde asks for “extra decaf” to help her stay awake while figuring out life.

• At a car dealership, she wants a tow truck on standby—just in case she accidentally drives off.
• While baking, she misreads “preheat oven” as something to find on food labels.
• At a science museum, she thinks electrons use highways.