Little Johnny wasn’t much of a speller. When his teacher wrote “new” and asked what adding a K would make, he thought carefully: “Canoe?” His logic was just as memorable at Grandma’s waterhole. Sent to fetch cooking water, he spotted an alligator, abandoned the bucket, and raced home. Grandma insisted the creature was probably as frightened as he was. Johnny wasn’t reassured: “If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”

School offered more opportunities. Asked to solve an equation, Johnny erased it: “Problem solved.” His ideal wife? Like the moon—not beautiful and calm, but arriving at night and disappearing each morning. Then came science class. Other children wanted gold or platinum to buy fancy cars. Johnny chose silicone. His explanation? “My mom got some, and there’s always a Porsche or Corvette sitting in our driveway.” With Johnny, even a straightforward question could take an unexpected turn.READ MORE