With his wife at work, a man drove her cat away and abandoned it, only to find it home before him. After another failed attempt, he took a maze of turns and finally lost his own way. Calling his wife, he asked whether the cat was home. “Yes,” she replied. “I’m lost. Put the cat on the phone.” Elsewhere, a woman repeatedly slammed her door on two salesmen, but it kept bouncing open. One finally explained: “Ma’am, you need to move your cat.”

Meanwhile, Sam called his wife from the hospital, describing a terrible crash while driving to meet Mary. After hearing about his narrow escape and multiple injuries, she asked just one question: “Who is Mary?” On a sleeper train, a chilly man asked his bunkmate for another blanket. She suggested pretending they were married for the night. He eagerly agreed—until she delivered her instruction: “Get your own darn blanket!”