A man visits his doctor feeling unwell and receives terrible news: he has little time left. “How long?” he asks. “Ten,” says the doctor. “Ten what? Months? Weeks?” The reply: “Nine…” Another patient complains that touching his shoulder, knee, or forehead causes agony. The diagnosis? A broken finger. Meanwhile, a man flees an operating table after hearing a nurse repeatedly say, “Don’t be nervous. It’s only a small operation.” The problem wasn’t her reassurance—she was talking to the surgeon.

At a psychiatric hospital, a doctor draws a door on the wall and invites patients to leave through it. One stays seated, smiling as the others try. Asked why, he whispers, “I’m the one with the key.” Finally, a 90-year-old woman seeks help for supposedly silent, odorless gas. After a week on prescribed pills, she complains that it now smells awful. The doctor seems pleased: “Very well. Now, about your hearing…”