Human Speech That Proves We Are Going Downhill Fast

We often hear stories when people say their faith in humanity has been restored. That is good news when it happens because it doesn’t happen very often.

The following stories may be short, but they tell a tale about the times when we are living. They are stories that don’t necessarily build our faith in humanity but rather, they tear it down.

I’m sure that you will get a laugh from the following stories. It’s not only because they are ridiculous, it’s because they just might be true and more than likely, you’ve seen it for yourself.

My husband and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’

I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.

—–

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’

We haven’t used that repairman since…

—–

I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

—–

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast-food place and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

—–

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

—–

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She is a government employee…..

—–

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’

His reply was, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

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